As is the yearly tradition over here at K&K’s chamber of horrors, we like to give readers suggestions for original, one-of-a-kind costumes to don this Halloween season. You’re welcome.
• Roberto Luongo
No need to spend much time on the Lou’s greased widow’s peak hairline or goalie pads, just put on a Canucks jersey and spend the rest of the night lying on your belly. Oh snap. Bonus points if you have a younger, redheaded companion with Schneider written on his back who replaces you half way through the night.
• Marco Sturm
This one is so easy it hurts. Known around these parts as the Canucks “failed experiment,” injury-prone forward and recent acquisition of the Florida Panthers, Marco Sturm makes for a heady and conceptual Halloween costume—and a darn cheap one at that. Just RSVP as many Halloween parties as you can, and then don’t show up. Boom.
• Outgoing B.C. Ferries CEO David Hahn
All you’ll need to wear is a grey-haired wig, a big smile and a suit with pockets overflowing with money. Oh yeah, and a golden parachute.
• Occupy Vancouver Protester
Depending on your level of commitment, you can wear regular street clothes, MEC outdoor attire, tie-dyed shirts or V for Vendetta masks. The key is to interrupt as many people’s conversations as possible, refuse to leave the party at the end of the night and complain loudly about dozens of things your host can do nothing about.
• Suzanne Anton’s smirky smile
This one is going to take some subtlety. Capturing the NPA mayoral candidate’s upturned mouth is easy enough, but it needs to be of the “sh** eating grin” variety, and only reveal itself after uttering campaign-team-crafted sound bites such as “chicken coop politics,” “goofy ideas” or disapproval of anything you originally voted for.
• Tony Parsons’ Grim Look of Resignation
Not to be confused with a zombie or a suit-wearing manatee, this costume requires a keen ability to stare off into the distance and harness your inner sigh. You also must never smile or open your mouth wider than half a centimetre when talking in a coffee-weathered baritone voice. Light chuckles are OK, but only after a smiley Shane Foxman look-a-like tells a corny joke.
